What is parenting?

Hello everyone, hope you are doing well. Today, I am going to talk to you guys about, parenting. ATTENTION, DISCLAIMER, I am myself not yet a parent, but I want to become a parent in the future, so I have not myself brought up children to adults. I have, however, as we all have, been a child myself, and I think this is an often overlooked, yet so important perspective to keep in mind when thinking and talking about parenting.

Basically, parenting is about bringing a new human being into the world. It is supposed to be a process where you, as the parent, bring up the child into a functioning adult, who will be able to take care of him or herself when of age. Might be a common sense explanation to some people, but I think that for a lot of people, this definition is not thought of or discussed explicitly.

What it is really about, is a sort of custodianship for the child’s future. This might go against what some, or perhaps many people think, but children are not the property of their parents. Rather, the parents have implicitly agreed to a contract with the child’s future self. The child did not ask to be born, it had no power over being conceived. It was the will (excluding rape of course) of the parents, that the child get to see the light of day. So there is an implicit responsibility for the parents to take care of the child, so that when the child becomes an adult, the child knows how to live on her or his own, has a set of healthy habits such as exercising and eating well, has been given proper dental care, the right nutrition at the right time and on it goes.

Think of it as taking care of someones home while they go on a trip abroad. Sure, you get to make decisions about the home while the owner is away, but when that owner gets back, it is your responsibility that that home is in AT LEAST in the condition you left it or better. Because it is not your home. Even this metaphor is flawed, because here the owner of the home is an adult that enters into a contract with other adults, while the child’s future self cannot. It is instead an implicit contract.

So what consequences does this have for parenting? Well, this means that whatever decision you make concerning the child, you make for the sake of the child. Not because of your wants and needs, but for the child’s future self. This means that it matters what kind of food and how much food you give your child to eat. For instance, an obese child is at a higher risk for being obese as an adult http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8483856 , which carries with it a lot of negatives.

Not only do you as a parent have responsibility to make sure that the child grows up with a healthy physique, but you also have to provide nutrition for their mind. In order for an adult to function in society, things like social skills, reading and writing, language skills, math and many other mental skills are necessary. Remember, you are preparing and giving the child tools for living on his or her own, as an adult.

What also is important, which I believe sadly is one of the most neglected in parenting worldwide, is giving the child a peaceful, patient and positive home environment. In the US for instance, spanking is seen by most parents as a tool to help shape the child into a functioning adult. However, the evidence AGAINST the positive outcomes of spanking children is overwhelming, if one seeks out the studies for it. Spanking of children is linked to a long list of increased risks in adulthood, like the likelihood of domestic abuse, lower IQ and anti-social behavior. If you’d like to check this up for yourself, I’d recommend ‘’The Primordial Violence’’ which is full of different studies showing the negatives of spanking.

Spanking is tragically very common still in todays world, even the ‘’civilized’’ west. There are countries where it has been banned, but even with a ban, people will still resort to spanking their children. Sweden for instance became in 1979 the first nation in the world to ban corporal punishment of children. In a study conducted between 2001-2006, university students were asked to respond to the statement ‘’When I was less than 12 years old, I was spanked or hit a lot by my mother or father’’. 30,1% of the Swedish students agreed with this statement. One third, in a country where the practice is BANNED! Of course, where spanking is still legal for most of the part, like in the US, that percent was much higher (61,4%).

Now if you just think for just a moment about what I have laid out here, the numbers I have mentioned. You will, if you are honest, come to the conclusion that a whole lot of parents, parent quite badly many times. Not to say that there aren’t parents who get most things right, or perhaps all things right, of course! But I believe, a HUGE majority of parents in the world, are quite frankly, pretty shitty parents.

It has been the case for human history that children have had rough childhoods to say the least. And in many ways parenting has improved a lot. Spanking is becoming less and less common, things like genital mutilation (at least of girls) is considered barbaric in the west. So we are, as a society making progress.

However, it is an absolute DISGRACE, that we are not making progress faster. When the evidence against spanking as a good tool for bringing up a healthy child is so STAGGERING… And almost nobody talks about. Almost no parents look this stuff up. Before I decided to buy the keyboard I am writing typing with right now, I spent 15-20 minutes looking at reviews for it. Because I wanted to make a good investment. 15-20 minutes. That is, I think, but cannot prove, 15-20 more minutes most parents spend looking into potential adverse effects of spanking. That is a disgrace. It would have been more understandable in the middle-ages, where the little to none information that did exist was so hard to come by. But now, with Internet in your POCKET, there is no excuse for not knowing these things.

I believe most parenting is not done for the child in this world. Most parenting is for the adults that decide to bring a new life into the world. Maybe to save a marriage, to have someone dependent on you to boost your ego, or perhaps just have someone you can terrorize without consequence.

We do not own our children. We have a responsibility to them, to bring them up as healthy adults. We owe it to them to do the research. And when that research, when that evidence goes against our preconceived views of parenting, we have to grit our teeth and change our ways. Because parenting is not for the parents. It is for the children.

Thanks for reading.

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The world and it’s illness

The world is a sick place. Society is ridden with a terrible disease. It is a disease of the mind, the disease of evil. But it’s time with humanity will not last forever.

Most people live out their lives fighting ghosts. Not ghosts seen as spirits from the world of the dead, moving through walls or just being simple sheets of white. No, I speak of the actual ghosts of this world. Ghosts that are the legacy of horrible abuse. Abuse, against children.

As the child emerges into the world, an Inherently curious and sceptical creature, is more often than not, faced with parents who are fighting the ghosts of their past. When the mother for instance screams at the child when it approaches the stove. Not because of the child, but because of the similar situation experienced when the mother, as a child touched the stove and was hit for this. It is not because of the child of the now grown up mother, but because of the ghosts of her past.

And this cycle is repeated all over the world, in all different but fundamentally same shape. It is global, within all races, all cultures and with both sexes. And it is only surviving because it is not looked at for what it is. It survives because it is not called for what it is. Hitting a child is not discipline, it is violence. Screaming at a child is not teaching, it is a screech of pain unjustly inflicted upon the child.

People claim all kinds of discrimination in the world. Racial and gender discrimination. Religious intolerance, animal cruelty and class warfare. But none of these discriminations come even close to the discrimination of children. In many places in the world, it is illegal to hit a dog, and most people will be morally repulsed by such an act. But in these very same places, it is perfectly fine to hit a child, and society at large will support the abuser as a ”good parent”, a disciplinarian.

Because children are seen as subhuman. Even lower than animals. How much anger would erupt in the west if a man came out, saying he hits his wife every other day when she misbehaves, saying that he does it because he loves her? Society would descend upon this man, and tear him to bits, and justly so. But when a child is ”spanked” (i.e physically aggressed against) bearly a peep is heard.

And so the cycle continues. But it will not last forever. People are already starting to speak out. Therapy is healing minds one at a time. People are giving up their fights with ghosts, because they have seen them for what they are: Immaterial.

Evil thrives in todays world, but it’s days of power are dripping away like sand in an hourglass. And as people today saw slavers as deeply immoral people, so will the future generations see the abusers of children today.

Which side will you been on in history?

Breaking records, like a boss!

Hello readers!

I must say, I am on a roll! Today, I managed to put down 3052 words in 1 hour 20 minutes. That’s 38 words/min on average!

I am really excited. I am improving so much each day it’s amazing!

Basically, what I am focusing on right now, is to get used to writing everyday for at least 1 hour, and to maximize my wordcount. So quality is not the matter at hand, but when I feel I have reached a word/min average I feel comfortable with, I’ll focus my attention on structure and editing.

Also, I have been getting back to the practical steps to getting my self-help book published (been procrastinating it for a while), and I am looking to find someone to create a cover for it and getting some proffesional editing.

Here is an extract from it, to tease you a bit 😛

Chapter 2.2, How to find Self

”Becoming more honest is a difficult process because we are conditioned to not be honest throughout our entire lives. Did you hate listening to your teacher talk when you were in school, just before it was time to go home, when all you wanted to do was to go out and to play in the sunshine? Sure you did. Were you allowed to express your true feelings, to be honest with what your experience was? No, because that was considered rude!
And we are conditioned to this dishonesty of our mind and actions everywhere we turn in society. In school, at work and in our home.
To unlearn patterns we have become used to for so long is difficult. But it is possible. What is required is to become aware of our patterns and commit to making the changes in our lives that will help us gain new patterns. Better ones.”

Ah, I am so excited to get it published!

Take care!

Book update!

Hello all you fine people out there!

Update on my book: I have been editing it for an hour today, and I am playing with the thought of going back into it and add an extra chapter or two for some clarifications.

I am so excited for my book, I am struggling to keep myself from publishing it right now! But I want it to be of the highest quality I can possibly provide to the world. So, it’ll have to wait.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this beautiful, truth-message.
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Take Care

/Erik

A rant, on the state of things

Apes on two legs. That is what we, human beings are. But that is not our most defining quality.

That is that we are moral agents. We can separate between right and wrong. We do not have to act simply on instinct. We have the ability to choose. We have the power, to be the masters of our own lives. To be the shapers of destiny.

But what do we do with our gift of agency? We abuse it, by treating our children as pets. Servants that entertain us! And when our shitty past makes itself known to us, we use them as puke-bags, like those on airplanes. Yes, it is that disgusting.

And then we have the nerve to criticize  them, when they throw tantrums, ”Violence is wrong, can’t you understand that you little shit?!” *smack*.

No, the kid gets it. Kids are smart. They are like sponges. Information hoarders. And the kids get the insanity of your hypocritical moralizing. They get that the world doesn’t care enough for them to liberate them from their abusers. The world doesn’t care about right or wrong. The only thing the world cares about, is avoiding being decent. Because that would take valuable time and energy. Time, that could be spent in front of the TV cheering for sports, and energy to stuff your face with cheese-balls!

Screw going to therapy, even though you are beating the living shit out of- sorry, ”applying loving discipline” to your children. Fuck therapy, I want the latest Iphone! Because fuck my kids! They are barely, BARELY worth beating.

And the circle of violence goes on. Victims become victimizers. The only goal in life for these people. is getting to act out on weaker people, and being comfortable, with a beer (wine-glass in case of crappy mothers) in one hand and a belt in the other.

Yes, this is a rant. It doesn’t get talked about as much as it should. I wont be silent. I stand by the children.