Relationships

Today, I’d like to talk about something very important, that concerns all of us (unless you happen to be a hermit).

I think that there is a shortage of really, really, good relationships in the world. Partly because people don’t know what a good relationship is. Partly because people don’t bother to have relationships that extend beyond drunken hazes during the weekend, talking about the latest football game or shopping for shoes.

Look, I was there too! I had those relationships too. I did the ”lets-get-drunk-and-party-all-night”. I did the ”we share a hobby, so might as well hangout”. Honestly, there were some good times with those relationships too. But I will tell you now, that those good times do not come close to what I have now.

Relationships are like food. With food, you have the more healthy stuff (broccoli, fruits) and then you have the less healthy food (fast-food, high sugar content). It is of course your right to eat fast-food every day of the week if you’d want to, but it is going to have negative consequences for you in the long run.

It is the same for shallow relationships. Relationships that base themselves on mere hobbies, that base themselves on ”Oh, you were born in the same geographical place as me? Let’s be friends!”. These kinds of relationships are the junk-food of social interaction.

Because they do not challenge you. They do not spark growth in you. How could they? If you have a relationship with someone because you happen to cheer for the same sports-team, what in that relationship will inspire growth in you as a human being?

With challenge, I am not talking about abusive or mean. I am talking about being in a relationship where what you say and do might be questioned, not out of spite or malice, but because the other person is both curious and cares about you. Someone who challenges you when you say something that does not make sense to them.

It matters where you put your time. If you spend time playing a guitar, eventually if you keep up with it, you’ll be good at playing the guitar. If you spend time in shallow relationships, you’ll be good at shallow relationships.

The only kind of relationship that can inspire growth in you is challenging ones! Because being challenged means finding new ways of thinking. New paradigms, new perspectives. You change because you are presented with new information.

Spending time being challenged and challenging others, will have you become better and better at just that. Which in turn has you become better and better at growing as a person. The broccoli of relationships are the deep ones. The ones where you discuss important things, things that impact you in your own life. Because anyone can talk about abstract things way out there, like string-theory and life on other planets. That isn’t challenging to your personal life. What is challenging, is to talk about the things that affect you. That tangent YOUR experience as a human being.

And you would want to do it for several reasons. You’d do it because you love learning. You love truth. You love having your beliefs challenged. But most importantly, you’d do it because you want to really have a deep, strong, serious relationship with another human being. To share life’s challenges with. To laugh with, to cry with, to explore the wonderful thing that being alive is.

What kind of relationships do you want?
Thanks for reading.

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Breaking records, like a boss!

Hello readers!

I must say, I am on a roll! Today, I managed to put down 3052 words in 1 hour 20 minutes. That’s 38 words/min on average!

I am really excited. I am improving so much each day it’s amazing!

Basically, what I am focusing on right now, is to get used to writing everyday for at least 1 hour, and to maximize my wordcount. So quality is not the matter at hand, but when I feel I have reached a word/min average I feel comfortable with, I’ll focus my attention on structure and editing.

Also, I have been getting back to the practical steps to getting my self-help book published (been procrastinating it for a while), and I am looking to find someone to create a cover for it and getting some proffesional editing.

Here is an extract from it, to tease you a bit 😛

Chapter 2.2, How to find Self

”Becoming more honest is a difficult process because we are conditioned to not be honest throughout our entire lives. Did you hate listening to your teacher talk when you were in school, just before it was time to go home, when all you wanted to do was to go out and to play in the sunshine? Sure you did. Were you allowed to express your true feelings, to be honest with what your experience was? No, because that was considered rude!
And we are conditioned to this dishonesty of our mind and actions everywhere we turn in society. In school, at work and in our home.
To unlearn patterns we have become used to for so long is difficult. But it is possible. What is required is to become aware of our patterns and commit to making the changes in our lives that will help us gain new patterns. Better ones.”

Ah, I am so excited to get it published!

Take care!

Book update!

Hello all you fine people out there!

Update on my book: I have been editing it for an hour today, and I am playing with the thought of going back into it and add an extra chapter or two for some clarifications.

I am so excited for my book, I am struggling to keep myself from publishing it right now! But I want it to be of the highest quality I can possibly provide to the world. So, it’ll have to wait.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this beautiful, truth-message.
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Take Care

/Erik

Introduction to my book!

In this time of my life, I am dedicating a lot of time into writing my first ever book on self-knowledge.

For you that do not know, self-knowledge is basically getting to know yourself- how you work, what motivates you, what kind of anxieties you have, what strengths you may have, and how to improve your own life through this knowledge of your self.

 

This is a draft of the introduction of my upcoming book on self-knowledge. Enjoy!

” Introduction

The greatest obstacle to success, is man’s mental barriers. Saying to oneself that you cannot quit smoking. That there is no point in asking for that raise. That the guy you fancy wouldn’t want to date you anyway. Or damning the fact that you keep finding yourself in toxic relationships. Or, you can’t stick to a diet, even if you do well the first couple of days.

I could go on, with mental barriers that keep us from living our lives to the fullest.

The point of this book, is to show you, that this doesn’t have to be your destiny. You can become the owner, of your life. You can learn to love yourself. That you can break bad habits. That you can become more assertive. That you can live life as an extraordinary human being.

I am writing this book, because I have found this path. And it has changed, and will continue to change, my life forever. And now, after having struggled with my own self-knowledge work, I now invite you to do the same. By sharing tools that have worked for me, offering my perspective on self-growth, it is my outmost wish, that you will be able to change your life. Because I want you to join me in the world of possibilities. I want you to love life as I love life now. I want you to learn about yourself, and see the awesome potential you have within you, to make the world a better place.

You have suffered enough. Join me, and you will discover things beyond your imagination.”

Thank you for reading! If you have feedback, what you thought was good and if there is something that could be improved on, please feel free to leave a comment. 

Take care!

Review: The Pattern System by Jay Earley

The Pattern System

By Jay Earley

A review by Erik Lugnet

Jay Early is an author who is able to write on complex subjects, covering what needs to be said about them such as it concerns the layman, while at the same time managing to express it in a way that reaches a huge audience. Earley is down to earth and to the point. He is perhaps most known for his work in Internal Family Systems therapy, as he has written many books on the subject, such as Self-Therapy and Freedom from your inner critic, both of which I have read and will post reviews on. The aforementioned books are not required reading in order to grasp The Pattern System. They do however complement each other.

This book is for people who wish to expand their knowledge on how the human psyche works, and gives you the tools to map your personality. To discover your strengths and weaknesses, giving you clues to what are of your life you can improve.

The Pattern System sets out to show basic personality traits, called Dimensions. As Earley explains, Dimensions have 2 sides to them, Receptive and Active. They are further divided into Capacities (helpful personality traits such as Appreciation in the Evaluation Dimension) and Patterns (problematic personality traits, such as Angry in the Strength Dimension).

A nice plus to this book is the online quizzes it provides you. With these, you can answer series of questions that will gauge the landscape of your mind, giving you something to start with if you wish to map your inner world using The Pattern System.

Long story short, the book is exactly what it is called. A periodic table of psychology. It’s written in a simple manner, inviting both layman and professional alike to its wisdom on man and how her personality is structured. It is useful and thought-provoking. Especially for us brave souls who are interested in self-growth, and those who have read some of Jay Earleys books on Internal Family Systems therapy.

You can buy The Pattern System by Jay Earley on amazon, on the link below!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0985593784/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0985593784&linkCode=as2&tag=yeravos-20&linkId=6PFNSQYN5VQXHHYU