Relationships

Today, I’d like to talk about something very important, that concerns all of us (unless you happen to be a hermit).

I think that there is a shortage of really, really, good relationships in the world. Partly because people don’t know what a good relationship is. Partly because people don’t bother to have relationships that extend beyond drunken hazes during the weekend, talking about the latest football game or shopping for shoes.

Look, I was there too! I had those relationships too. I did the ”lets-get-drunk-and-party-all-night”. I did the ”we share a hobby, so might as well hangout”. Honestly, there were some good times with those relationships too. But I will tell you now, that those good times do not come close to what I have now.

Relationships are like food. With food, you have the more healthy stuff (broccoli, fruits) and then you have the less healthy food (fast-food, high sugar content). It is of course your right to eat fast-food every day of the week if you’d want to, but it is going to have negative consequences for you in the long run.

It is the same for shallow relationships. Relationships that base themselves on mere hobbies, that base themselves on ”Oh, you were born in the same geographical place as me? Let’s be friends!”. These kinds of relationships are the junk-food of social interaction.

Because they do not challenge you. They do not spark growth in you. How could they? If you have a relationship with someone because you happen to cheer for the same sports-team, what in that relationship will inspire growth in you as a human being?

With challenge, I am not talking about abusive or mean. I am talking about being in a relationship where what you say and do might be questioned, not out of spite or malice, but because the other person is both curious and cares about you. Someone who challenges you when you say something that does not make sense to them.

It matters where you put your time. If you spend time playing a guitar, eventually if you keep up with it, you’ll be good at playing the guitar. If you spend time in shallow relationships, you’ll be good at shallow relationships.

The only kind of relationship that can inspire growth in you is challenging ones! Because being challenged means finding new ways of thinking. New paradigms, new perspectives. You change because you are presented with new information.

Spending time being challenged and challenging others, will have you become better and better at just that. Which in turn has you become better and better at growing as a person. The broccoli of relationships are the deep ones. The ones where you discuss important things, things that impact you in your own life. Because anyone can talk about abstract things way out there, like string-theory and life on other planets. That isn’t challenging to your personal life. What is challenging, is to talk about the things that affect you. That tangent YOUR experience as a human being.

And you would want to do it for several reasons. You’d do it because you love learning. You love truth. You love having your beliefs challenged. But most importantly, you’d do it because you want to really have a deep, strong, serious relationship with another human being. To share life’s challenges with. To laugh with, to cry with, to explore the wonderful thing that being alive is.

What kind of relationships do you want?
Thanks for reading.

The world and it’s illness

The world is a sick place. Society is ridden with a terrible disease. It is a disease of the mind, the disease of evil. But it’s time with humanity will not last forever.

Most people live out their lives fighting ghosts. Not ghosts seen as spirits from the world of the dead, moving through walls or just being simple sheets of white. No, I speak of the actual ghosts of this world. Ghosts that are the legacy of horrible abuse. Abuse, against children.

As the child emerges into the world, an Inherently curious and sceptical creature, is more often than not, faced with parents who are fighting the ghosts of their past. When the mother for instance screams at the child when it approaches the stove. Not because of the child, but because of the similar situation experienced when the mother, as a child touched the stove and was hit for this. It is not because of the child of the now grown up mother, but because of the ghosts of her past.

And this cycle is repeated all over the world, in all different but fundamentally same shape. It is global, within all races, all cultures and with both sexes. And it is only surviving because it is not looked at for what it is. It survives because it is not called for what it is. Hitting a child is not discipline, it is violence. Screaming at a child is not teaching, it is a screech of pain unjustly inflicted upon the child.

People claim all kinds of discrimination in the world. Racial and gender discrimination. Religious intolerance, animal cruelty and class warfare. But none of these discriminations come even close to the discrimination of children. In many places in the world, it is illegal to hit a dog, and most people will be morally repulsed by such an act. But in these very same places, it is perfectly fine to hit a child, and society at large will support the abuser as a ”good parent”, a disciplinarian.

Because children are seen as subhuman. Even lower than animals. How much anger would erupt in the west if a man came out, saying he hits his wife every other day when she misbehaves, saying that he does it because he loves her? Society would descend upon this man, and tear him to bits, and justly so. But when a child is ”spanked” (i.e physically aggressed against) bearly a peep is heard.

And so the cycle continues. But it will not last forever. People are already starting to speak out. Therapy is healing minds one at a time. People are giving up their fights with ghosts, because they have seen them for what they are: Immaterial.

Evil thrives in todays world, but it’s days of power are dripping away like sand in an hourglass. And as people today saw slavers as deeply immoral people, so will the future generations see the abusers of children today.

Which side will you been on in history?

Introduction to my book!

In this time of my life, I am dedicating a lot of time into writing my first ever book on self-knowledge.

For you that do not know, self-knowledge is basically getting to know yourself- how you work, what motivates you, what kind of anxieties you have, what strengths you may have, and how to improve your own life through this knowledge of your self.

 

This is a draft of the introduction of my upcoming book on self-knowledge. Enjoy!

” Introduction

The greatest obstacle to success, is man’s mental barriers. Saying to oneself that you cannot quit smoking. That there is no point in asking for that raise. That the guy you fancy wouldn’t want to date you anyway. Or damning the fact that you keep finding yourself in toxic relationships. Or, you can’t stick to a diet, even if you do well the first couple of days.

I could go on, with mental barriers that keep us from living our lives to the fullest.

The point of this book, is to show you, that this doesn’t have to be your destiny. You can become the owner, of your life. You can learn to love yourself. That you can break bad habits. That you can become more assertive. That you can live life as an extraordinary human being.

I am writing this book, because I have found this path. And it has changed, and will continue to change, my life forever. And now, after having struggled with my own self-knowledge work, I now invite you to do the same. By sharing tools that have worked for me, offering my perspective on self-growth, it is my outmost wish, that you will be able to change your life. Because I want you to join me in the world of possibilities. I want you to love life as I love life now. I want you to learn about yourself, and see the awesome potential you have within you, to make the world a better place.

You have suffered enough. Join me, and you will discover things beyond your imagination.”

Thank you for reading! If you have feedback, what you thought was good and if there is something that could be improved on, please feel free to leave a comment. 

Take care!

Review: Alice Miller

Alice Miller: The Drama of Being a Child
A review by Erik Lugnet

Man is capable of great evil. And evil breeds depression and unhappiness in whoever it attacks. Which is why litterature on how to overcome past trauma in adult life, is so important, so the cycle of evil and it’s effects are not reproduced in the next generation.
There are few authors who have really moved me and changed my life. Alice Miller, is definitely one of them. Non-censored and truthfully, she lays down the reality of early childhood trauma, and it’s effects in adulthood.

For readers not already familiar with therapy and the childhood trauma that is discussed in therapy, you should know that the book can be extremely painful to read. To slowly reawaken to suppressed and repressed memories, can be torture. But working with that pain, is key to improving your life.

In Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller shows us with sound arguing, how traumatic our childhoods have really been, exposing the tragic stockholm-syndrome of ”I was bad and deserved it” or the extremely sad ”I turned out fine”. Instead, she urges us to explore our deep, true emotions, hidden away when we were dependant.

The testimonies of her clients added makes the book’s arguments come to life, strengthening the truth of it even more. These are stories of the worst humanity has to offer. But it is also proof of the strength of the human being, able to survive such a hostile world. They are grim, they are honest, they are real.

Through this book, it is as if Alice Miller tells our True Self as she calls it : ”I know it was scary and painful out here when you where a child. But things have changed, and you deserve to be heard.”

The resume of this review is: The Drama of being a Child, is a truthful perspective on what it means to be a child faced with adverse childhood events, in an unloving environment. It is a book of great anger. And great tragedy. For both justified anger, and sincere mourning, is what is needed to finally be set free.

And that is what this book really is all about. A promise, of Freedom.

 

You can buy The Drama of Being a Child from amazon, on this link!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DO8OPGK/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DO8OPGK&linkCode=as2&tag=yeravos-20&linkId=PTDAYDUTBRG7ZKEL”>The Drama of Being a Child : The Search for the True Self by Miller, Alice 2Rev Edition (1995)</a><img src=”http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=yeravos-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00DO8OPGK” width=”1″ height=”1″ border=”0″ alt=”” style=”border:none !important; margin:0px !important;